Listen to your Heart
by MoonlightGardenias
Summary: A song fic series...post season. MerDerwith others mixed in.Starts from the final scene in Season Two.


**A/N:I've been considering starting another fic for a while now. This is pretty much a ficlet based different songs. This chapter is based on "Consider This" from Anna Nalick. It's been a favorite song of mine for a while now, and if you think about it, it really fits with the way things were going between Mer, Finn and Derek at the end of LMR. Anyway, enjoy...read and review!**

**Disclaimer:I do not own the characters-or anything Grey's Anatomy related. The lyrics are borrowed from the amazing Anna Nalick, she wrote them-I borrowed them for the use of this fic...no profit is intended.**

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_"I've tripped again and things are starting to get interesting Don't give me choices cause I can't decide My mind is soaked in words I've come to terms with all my insecurities And purities no friend of mine"_

Meredith stood, particularly interested in her shoes. The floor seemed to be calling her, begging her to look for the slightest impurity, urging to her to keep standing there.

But she couldn't. She couldn't stand there forever, acting like nothing was wrong. She had to make the choice this time. This time, she was the one who had to choose.

_"And dreaming doesn't do no good -Cause I don't wanna lie That I'm okay and I'm alright I'd rather take it and forget it "_

Looking up at them, she felt her head spinning. She knew she'd have to leave. She knew she couldn't run, but she couldn't stay. Either way, her life was no longer as simple as she pretended it was. "Meredith."She heard Finn call again, this time, it seemed more urgent, as if to say "now or never".

Looking at him, she sighed. Meredith went back to staring at the floor, closing her eyes. She figured if she stood there long enough, if she didn't talk long enough, then maybe, just maybe-they'd give up and walk away.

"Derek-"She said, finally breaking her silence. "I don't want to fight with you...because I don't know what it meant. I'm tired if fighting. I'm tired of hearing all the rumors in the locker room-people thinking things about me that are so far from the truth..."Meredith paused, seeing the look in Derek's eyes.

She missed him. She missed the look he had in his eyes, the scent of his cologne. She missed the way he said her name.

"Come on, let me take you home..."Finn said, starting to move towards her.

"No."Meredith said, her eyes still locking with Derek's.

_"Consider this a warning Cause I'll start another fight And you'll say its all alright I'll wait for the day when you find I'm too much for you, baby"_

"I can't go with you, Finn."Meredith said, turning towards him. "I'm sorry."

He stared back at her, puzzled. "I don't understand..."

"You don't want me.I know you said that we're both scared...we're both damaged.I get that.And I know that's true. But Finn?"

Finn stared back at her, eyes full of curiousity. But at the same time, he knew she was probably right. The tension he felt at that moment could have been sucked out of the air with a straw. He stared back at her, seeing her truthfully.

He didn't know Derek Shepherd very well, but he knew enough to know that he and Meredith had something going on. Something that noone else could understand or comprehend.

"I'm just not ready to go into another relationship.The last man I was with-"She said, shooting Derek a glance. Derek simply avoided her gaze, hanging his head shamefully. "He hurt me, okay?Maybe he never intended to but-"Meredith stopped, watching the look on Finn's face. He wasn't mad. He didn't even look disappointed. He looked hopeful.

"But he did, Finn.I know you wouldn't do that. But right now-I can't do this...Us, I mean.You're a great guy..."

_"You're kinda cool but I know better than to break the rules Of messin' with a lesson that I'll never learn_ "

"But I can't hurt you...I can't put you through what I...what I went through.I'm sorry...I really am."Meredith says, watching Finn's expresion change.

The whole time, Derek stood silent. He pretended to ignore her side glances, her little blurbs about her last relationship. He knew it was him. And it hurt.

"Mer-"He said, walking towards her. "I'm sorry."

The look in his eyes would have been enough to melt anyone. But not Meredith. Meredith knew that it would come, and trying hard, she looked past him. "You should probably get going.I'm sure your _wife_ is looking for you."Meredith said, rather coldly.

"Finn-I like you.I really do.But right now-"

"Right."Finn says, nodding. "If you ever need anything-"He says, sounding broken. "Just call me, okay?You deserve to be happy-"

He shot a warning glance at Derek, then kissed Meredith, very lightly on the lips. "Bye, Meredith."He said, turning to leave.

Meredith watched him leave-watched until she could no longer see his tall yet defeated form grazing the hallway. She could feel Derek's eyes, boring into her back. She could almost picture the look on his face. "Do not look at me like that."She said, matter of factly.

"Like what?"

She turned back towards him, tears visible in her eyes. "I can't do this, Derek.I just turned down the man that had plans...plans that included me.I can't just dive back into a relationship with you. What does it mean?-It means that you cheated. Not only that-but I helped you...Because I let you."

"Oh, don't even act like you didn't want what happened, Meredith.You kissed me...I get that you're damaged-I get that you aren't ready. But Meredith?"

She looked back at him, eyes hopeful.

_"So lay your hands over me And feel what you only see But don't bother wasting your time if you're trying to change me"_

"I love you, Meredith.I know how bad that sounds but-"

"Stop.Just...please, Derek.Don't make this hard for me.I'm telling you...us...this-it can't work. I'm warning you-It'll end the way it did last time.You'll keep lying,leaving me to do the choosing. If you were so sure you wanted me, then you should have signed the papers with Addison in the first place."

Derek stared back at her, eyes hallow. "Mer-"

Walking towards him, she kissed him. Pulling him closer, in that moment, she didn't care if Addison walked in, or if the Chief saw. She just wanted to remember.

Pulling back, she saw the smile the threatened to break out. Shaking her head, Meredith sighed. "Now I can remember our last kiss..."She said, stroking the side of his face.

Closing his eyes, Derek felt her close to him. He smelled the lavender conditioner in her hair, smelled her perfume. He remembered her. And apparently, that was all he could do.

_"This is a warning "_

"Goodbye, Derek."Smiling sadly, Meredith turned to leave. Together, they were inseperable. Together, they were like nothing she had ever heard of or felt before. Apart-she felt scared. She felt that she'd never find that kind of love again. But together-it was an addiction. An addiction she knew she'd never get over.

But Meredith was trying. She was trying by walking away. She didn't know what the future held but she knew oune thing for sure-for now...she was alone. She just wasn't sure how she felt about it.


End file.
